Female Hormones (Op Ed)

Ladies and Gentleman-

Have you ever noticed how predictive women's cycles are?  The cycles are like clockwork!  Recently had a hilarious conversation about the topic over G-chat with my friend Brandon:

me:  The hormones of the female body are amazing.

Boys should learn about them and understand just how precise they are.

 Brandon:  Oh really?

I believe that we, men, have observed the following:

 "Flighty emotions ranging from absolute love to shear terror that can change with the winds. Approach with caution"

 me:  lol

 Brandon:  The observation hasn't been updated in a while.

 me:  Okay, well, let me update you then.

Love comes between day 5-15 of a woman's cycle;

Indifference comes between day 1-3;

Ugliness (she will physically appear ugly to you) from days 23-27;

Bitchiness from 23-27;

Raging horniness and sex appeal 4-10;

Neediness from day 16-21;

Tiredness from 18-25.

These are approximate of course.  The predictability seems incredibly precise and repititious.  So predictable, that I don't even need to right down when my cycle starts every month...I can feel the changes so dramatically.

If you understand the cycle...you will become a much happier man. You can make your woman remain happier also.

me:  Go hit the books, then Go to the mattresses!

 Brandon:  Having reviewed your documented submittal, I have determined that there is no need to change the current record.

me: haha 

 Brandon:  Male cycle:

Day 1-30:

Hungry and horny;

Day 15: Need to scratch something.

I went with simple.

I could go into detail on how your crazy horomones torture us...but that will take a bit of work. 

 me:  The moods of guys reflect the observed emotions of the females they are with?

 Brandon:  Yes.  Here's how the male cycle gets modified:

Day 1-3: Intrigued and attentive;

Day 4: Happy and content;

Days 5-10: Indifference sets in. We are getting what we need and all is good.

Days 16-22: Annoyed and need space; 

Days 22-27: Shocked. Who is this person, what happened? Fight or flight mode engaged. It is interesting.

 me:  This is a pretty accurate and ubiquitous account of the male cycle, huh? You guys go through these cycles?

 Brandon:  Only if we are seeing someone.

 me:  Right.

And, if you're single? Then what's the story?

Brandon:  Horny and Hungry.

You ladies insert complex emotions into our lives.

 me:  LOL.